Ugly

What if, all your life, you had been called ugly? By your mother, father, brother, sister, cousins and neighbours. What if this was the only name you knew?  No other name, but ugly.

Twelve months ago, a little boy arrived at Safe Haven with several other boys, also transferring from another agency. He was the quietest of the boys to arrive and we called him Miguelito. Now, little Miguelito had the most beautiful big brown eyes and shy quirky smile. He quickly settled into our lively and energetic home and his contagious giggles could soon be heard bouncing off the Safe Haven walls.

A few months ago the kids were all invited to attend an event to celebrateNational Child Abuse awareness week, together with a number of other children's homes. We had a great day with lots of fun activities, crafts, games and ice cream. While we were sitting on the mats waiting for one of the events to begin, some older children came over to us. They looked at us and pointed into the group and said..."Hey, that's panget" (the term for ugly, in Tagalog). I looked at them most confused and said, "What is ugly?" We were all staring at them confused. They soon replied and pointed, "That's panget! That's him! Hey Panget!" I looked to where they were pointing and there was our very own Miguelito, no longer looking around but looking down at the ground. 

These children where referring to our Miguelito. They were calling him ugly. I tried to respond like a calm, mature woman of God, when deep inside I wanted to swoop in like an avenging angel and hide Miguelito under my arm, banishing these children from the park with a lightning strike. Instead, I took a deep breath and began talking to these kids. I soon found that these children did not know Miguelito’s real name but knew him only as ugly. This had been his name before coming to Safe Haven. These children said that they knew where Miguelito’s parents lived under a bridge and that Miguelito had been missing for over two years. Our social worker eagerly collected every detail in the hopes of finding Miguelito’s parents. 

As the children left, I snuggled the small boy into my arms. Whilst I didn’t smite them with bolts of lightning as they left, I did swoop in and pop Miguelito under my wing, whispering that we hope to find his mum and dad. He started to sob. Heart breaking sobs. This small, precious child was both confused and torn; torn between wanting to find his parents and confronting the heartbreak that came from just one word in his past...ugly.

As the weeks passed, our social workers were able to locate Miguelito's family, who eventually did visit Safe Haven. The heartbreak continued for Miguelito, as he was greeted with the words, "Hey, it's ugly!"

Upon hearing these words, our staff immediately made it clear that ‘ugly’ was not a word we used at Safe Haven. And that every child is beautifully and fearfully made and will be called by name. 

While our journey with this family has only just begun, we have come to realise that this pattern of behaviour / name calling is strong. The old rhyme that "sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you" is just so wrong. Names do hurt. They cut deeply and scar badly. What is spoken over a child can have a lifelong impact. Words are powerful. Perhaps these words were spoken over Miguelito's parents growing up. Were they themselves labelled as "ugly" or "stupid"?

Proverbs 18:21 says that, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” One small and tiny part of the body can do so much damage. I saw this damage. I saw the life die in Miguelito’s eyes the moment the word "ugly" was spoken over him.

But, oh how precious and amazing and incredible this little boy is. I tell him that He is fearfully and wonderfully made. I tell him that in the bible (Psalm 139) it says that God made all the delicate, inner parts of our bodies. He knit us together within our mother’s wombs. God knows us. He painstakingly designing every one of us with loving care. I tell him that he was created for greatness and that all his days have been ordered ahead of time. And finally, that He is so loved by the ultimate Father.

I tell him, that His name is Miguelito. You are an active, energetic, dynamic and courageous boy. You are a child of God and he knows you by name.