We are Family

As I’m driving home through the incredibly congested traffic in manila after picking up two little people from a DSWD crisis center, I hear a little voice from the backseat ask me in Tagalog..."mama, you taking me to an institute?"

She calls me mama, yet she doesn't even know me. She calls everyone mama.

This beautiful little girl now occupying our backseat thinks she is four years old, but she isn't really sure. She doesn't know what happened to her mother or father.

She doesn't even know who took her to the crisis center three months ago.

She is tiny with dimples and a huge smile. Her face is covered with boils and two are infected, knotting her hair. Her legs are covered with scars and fresh bites. But she smiles and looks at me with trusting eyes.

"mama, you taking me to an institute?"

That sentence breaks my heart.

How does a four-year-old even now the word institute? I look back at her as best I can from the front seat, as I swerve around bikes and jeepneys, and tell her that she isn't going to an institute. She is going to a home, with a big family. In this big home, there are Kuya's (older brothers) and Ate’s (older sisters) and lots and lots of mamas. There is rice, clothes, sandals and beds. We are one big family.

Institutes, orphanages and children’s homes all conjure up a myriad of images from the past to contemporary society. Each image differs for everyone; much being skewed by our own experiences or from those we see in popular culture and in the media. Today, there are so many articles popping up on social media.

I try to read them, well most of them.

Some make me cringe, some i accept entirely and some just have no idea what they are talking about. I cringe when i hear of the treatment of so many vulnerable children within these environments...hearing words of abuse and mistreatment.

And when i read that some institutions keep children as long as possible to maintain their financial support and sponsors, my heart breaks at the injustice and absurdity of such a strategy.

But i cannot help but shake my head when so many articles imply that all children’s homes are terrible places, prying on the most vulnerable. Some are indeed terrible. But there are also many children’s homes that are not. Rather these places are caring and supportive sanctuaries for those children needing immediate and long-term love, care and support.

So, let's be honest.

Of course, in an ideal world there would be no need for any children’s homes or orphanages or institutes at all.

I pray for the day when that is possible. But in the meantime, what happens to the kids who are abused, abandoned and neglected and have no place to live to be cared for or to be loved?

Some commentaries say that “these children should be placed in good foster homes".

Yes, i say! Good foster homes are the answer.

But what if there are only 75 foster families registered with DSWD in metro manila to take children. Now consider that there are over 23 million people in manila alone!  And most of these families want children that they can eventually adopt, meaning mostly babies and toddlers. Coupled with the fact that most of these families wouldn't even consider an abused child or a child with special needs…and now you see how dwindling the chances of being fostered in the Philippines really is!

Whilst i know several organisations, NGO' s and amazing people that work tirelessly to promote the importance and value of foster care today, so many families remain closed to this concept, making foster care one of the most unrealised potential sources for children seeking a safe and secure place to live.

Another frequent commentary I often hear says that “support should be provided for the children's families so they can return home!"

Yep I agree with this one too!

But what if after support is given, training is completed, and livelihood opportunities are provided, the family setting is still deemed unsafe? Do you return the child to an unsafe environment?

Unfortunately, some families aren't safe. In a perfect world, we would have perfect families. But we don't live in a perfect world. So sometimes as much as this statement rings true in my heart, the reality is far from ideal.

Other times people say that “children should be reunited with their relatives".

Again I agree, if possible this is a good idea.

But what if the relatives don't want them? Or if they do want them, can they afford to care for the children? Or again, are these relatives also safe? What then?

The reality is, we need places for these precious children to go.

Nothing can take the place of a loving and caring family. It is every child's right to be seen, heard and loved. But while they wait for this family we can try to provide something as close to this as possible.

At safe haven our goal is to create a family atmosphere. We are not an institute. We are a family.

We laugh, we cry, we hug a lot, we tickle, we read books, we learn social skills, we dance, we sing, we pray, we have boundaries, we hold hands and when one of us leaves they still remain a part of our family.

We want what is best for our children. We pray for our children's biological families, and our hearts desire is that one day they will be reunited again.

If that is not possible, we pray hard and continuously for foster families or adoptive forever families.

But while we wait…we are family.

I am also honoured to know other children's homes who are also doing an amazing job at trying to create safe and loving environments for vulnerable children.

So join with me in lifting these children up to Jesus in prayer. Pray for the amazing children’s homes who are also creating a "family".

Pray for the NGO’s who are working hard to encourage families to consider foster care.

And please pray for those families considering adoption.

Our beautiful dimple faced little cherub is no longer covered in boils. The other day she ran up to me, hugging my legs tightly before saying "mummy I love my Safe Haven family!!"